** On April 19th, I wrote this in a note on Facebook.**
Bleh... I've been single for two months now. The pain STILL lurks. It's hard to let go when you loved someone so much. Maybe I shouldn't have loved you so much. Your love ended at three months... mine still somewhat exists. It's sad to say that I'm not proud of our relationship. I regret it with all of my heart. I regret joining AASU. I regret meeting those people and most of all, I regret meeting you.
When I broke up with you, I did it so that all the tears and fighting would end. Plus, it didn't help that I was loving someone who didn't love me back. I just wanted the pain to go away.
I've tried to get over it. I've tried to allow a smile to grace my face and cover up what's underneath. Yet, what's underneath - all of the pain - still seeps through. It's hard to not be reminded of what we had. The reminders are everywhere - "Whatever You Like" constantly plays on the radio. I can't bear to look at my Pikachu anymore. I threw it to the bottom of my bed. I can't bear to read my "Twilight" books anymore cause everytime I do, I break out in tears. I got the "Twilight" movie on DVD. I've only watched it once. I broke out into tears cause it reminds me of the fact that I went to see the movie with you and of the special bond we shared. Even the commercials for the DVD release of "Yes Man" bothers me. I hate that baseball season is here cause the Yankees are constantly being spoken about and you love the Yankees! It's weird but whenever I see Saturn Vues and Mazda Proteges, I get reminded of you.
I've returned to my old ways - the old me you never saw cause I hide her from everyone. The constant tears, the sleepless nights, my body's intolerance of food, the sudden drop in weight, constantly spitting out depressing poetry, and dare I say it - the cutting and suicidal thoughts. It's all back. It's like the "emo" version of myself at 13 years old has come back but this time, she's come back with a vengeance and she's striking harder cause the pain is striking harder.
~* R.I.P. to our love 10/20/08 to 2/19/09 *~
Bleh... I've been single for two months now. The pain STILL lurks. It's hard to let go when you loved someone so much. Maybe I shouldn't have loved you so much. Your love ended at three months... mine still somewhat exists. It's sad to say that I'm not proud of our relationship. I regret it with all of my heart. I regret joining AASU. I regret meeting those people and most of all, I regret meeting you.
When I broke up with you, I did it so that all the tears and fighting would end. Plus, it didn't help that I was loving someone who didn't love me back. I just wanted the pain to go away.
I've tried to get over it. I've tried to allow a smile to grace my face and cover up what's underneath. Yet, what's underneath - all of the pain - still seeps through. It's hard to not be reminded of what we had. The reminders are everywhere - "Whatever You Like" constantly plays on the radio. I can't bear to look at my Pikachu anymore. I threw it to the bottom of my bed. I can't bear to read my "Twilight" books anymore cause everytime I do, I break out in tears. I got the "Twilight" movie on DVD. I've only watched it once. I broke out into tears cause it reminds me of the fact that I went to see the movie with you and of the special bond we shared. Even the commercials for the DVD release of "Yes Man" bothers me. I hate that baseball season is here cause the Yankees are constantly being spoken about and you love the Yankees! It's weird but whenever I see Saturn Vues and Mazda Proteges, I get reminded of you.
I've returned to my old ways - the old me you never saw cause I hide her from everyone. The constant tears, the sleepless nights, my body's intolerance of food, the sudden drop in weight, constantly spitting out depressing poetry, and dare I say it - the cutting and suicidal thoughts. It's all back. It's like the "emo" version of myself at 13 years old has come back but this time, she's come back with a vengeance and she's striking harder cause the pain is striking harder.
~* R.I.P. to our love 10/20/08 to 2/19/09 *~
A quote from a Secondhand Serenade song:
"My tears run down like razorblades.
And no, I'm not the one to blame.
It's you. Or is it me?
And all the words we never say come out,
and then we're all ashamed.
And there's no sense in playing games
when you've done all you can do.
But now it's over, it's over. Why is it over?
We had the chance to make it.
Now it's over, it's over. It can't be over.
I wish that I could take it back. But it's over."
"My tears run down like razorblades.
And no, I'm not the one to blame.
It's you. Or is it me?
And all the words we never say come out,
and then we're all ashamed.
And there's no sense in playing games
when you've done all you can do.
But now it's over, it's over. Why is it over?
We had the chance to make it.
Now it's over, it's over. It can't be over.
I wish that I could take it back. But it's over."
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